When our loved ones who struggle with addiction choose to go to rehab or get help, it can bring up all sorts of feelings. We might feel hopeful that maybe THIS time, they will get sober for good. We might feel scared that maybe this won’t work and will be a huge disappointment. We might feel resentful that they are being cared for and looked after while we are left at home working overtime to make up for their absence.
Great read..my husband is currently 2 wks into rehab..first time..he decided this on his own..he has done a lot of self help getting here..he will be in for 45 days..I hope for positive results for him. I learned to detach from the addict through LOA and feel so much better inside..his lies.. addiction..broken promises were killing me inside..I prayed to just become numb to feel nothing..I guess that was to become detached from the addict..keep a quiet mouth and stay in my own lane.Ty For being here tor Us all Michelle..you are the Best.
My husband claims to be 2 months sober but I don't buy it. I have learned to stop listening to the talk and watch his actions. He seems so convincing and I am sure he has many fooled at his meetings but after 25 years I know what to look for. What I need to work on for myself is to not react. He asks me to hold him accountable yet whenever I call him out I am called "unsupportive". I thank you for this blog because it makes me feel less crazy. My husband has the gift of schmooze and I think he even has himself convinced. What I can say is that he is finally admitting that he has a problem and that is a small victory. As for trust...I have a long, long way to go before I will ever trust him again and that is sad. Nice to know I am not alone in this struggle.
Thank you for this article, it hit home with me at Hello! I too know by the first second I see or hear him. My husband continues to lie about his drinking straight to my face every day. All trust is gone. Words don’t mean anything anymore. I don’t know why I stay except that I’m a hopeful person and he currently has a job and it’s better financially right now. But as history shows that too shall change! I appreciate your words of wisdom!!
I can’t thank you enough for this article. It all resonated with me. It is good to know I am not alone in my thoughts, but I am deeply sorry so many people are living with this disease. It is difficult to know when to call it quits especially when I love him.
So true. I can tell by looking at him whether he is drinking again--the way his eyes look, the way he holds his head, and walks--then I know to be on guard and not believe him, no matter how earnest he seems.
I needed to hear this today. How do yall deal with the humiliation? Embarrassment. I don't feel like I want anyone to know. I don't want my grown children to worry about me and/or think that I am weak and just accepted it over and over. Thoughts anyone?
Thank you Michelle for another topic of great concern. I will never ever trust him again. I've been let down too many times. We are married over 25 years. He tells me he doesn't trust me either. He's been an addict of either alcohol or pills for the entire time I have known him after the marrige. I say after the marriage because he lied before the marriage and I believed him and married him. He also has covert narcissist personality disorder. I stay in my own lane and life the best life I can being married to this man. Sad but true. 80 year old men don't change. He does go to AA meetings regularly, whether or not he works the program is another story, anyone can show up.
Thank you for this article and all your articles. I so much enjoy reading them. I have a 32yr daughter who is in so much denial of a drug addiction for the past 6yrs and are in desperate help. I’m hoping an article will be posted for denial. Thanks
I am learning to only pay attention to his actions.
I just nod and smile and don't engage in deep conversations when he says he is "really tired" or his back is "hurting." It usually feels to me like he has been drinking. I may not have seen it happen It doesn't matter. I just stay in my lane and keep a quiet mouth. My new additiction therapist says, like you, Michelle, to "only watch behavior" that tells me everything I need to know! And I do not have to engage with poor behavior. 🩷
My husband has gotten worse throughout the years, can only seem to stay sober for 2 weeks after getting help… Binge drinks for the next 2 until his body can’t no more. I’m so worn out 😫 I honestly can’t anymore.. I’m an emotional wreck, half the time feeling anxious! I feel so guilty just thinking I need out for my own sake.. but is it valid to feel this way of wanting out!?!? 😭😭😭
This post helped me so much my husband was a year sober then relapsed for a year because he honestly thought he “could handle light beer” this became a cycle of light beer, heavy beer, really high alc beer, whiskey, then hitting rock bottom and deciding to stay sober. My issue was his not communicating with me about his sober plan . After a tiff about my wanting to be in the know and him taking it defensive as me controlling we worked it out. Trust is really hard but while his words were slim his actions have been good, so this post really helped me see that.
My partner and I are both in recovery. He is in recovery from alcohol and I am in recovery from drugs. He relapsed last week and is now sober again, but during the few days he was drinking he lied to me every day multiple times. Every day we ask each other “Are you sober?” at least once. When he relapses it’s hard for me to not relapse too because of all the difficult emotions that come up for me. This time I didn’t relapse too. Thank you for your articles, I’ve been reading for while.
Anyone experience a partner who has alcohol issues want to limit to just a couple beers…..hard to know if I can trust after he’s caused a lot of drama, embarrassment, and risk—-this is typically when indulging in hard alcohol or high alcoholic drinks. I think I’m ok with two low alc beers but the risk scares me —-not sure if this is a wait and see situation
Thank you Michelle for all the encouraging words. And thank you to all the wonder ladies for sharing their stories and encouraging words. It nice to know I am not alone and others know how I feel.
Great read..my husband is currently 2 wks into rehab..first time..he decided this on his own..he has done a lot of self help getting here..he will be in for 45 days..I hope for positive results for him. I learned to detach from the addict through LOA and feel so much better inside..his lies.. addiction..broken promises were killing me inside..I prayed to just become numb to feel nothing..I guess that was to become detached from the addict..keep a quiet mouth and stay in my own lane.Ty For being here tor Us all Michelle..you are the Best.
My husband claims to be 2 months sober but I don't buy it. I have learned to stop listening to the talk and watch his actions. He seems so convincing and I am sure he has many fooled at his meetings but after 25 years I know what to look for. What I need to work on for myself is to not react. He asks me to hold him accountable yet whenever I call him out I am called "unsupportive". I thank you for this blog because it makes me feel less crazy. My husband has the gift of schmooze and I think he even has himself convinced. What I can say is that he is finally admitting that he has a problem and that is a small victory. As for trust...I have a long, long way to go before I will ever trust him again and that is sad. Nice to know I am not alone in this struggle.
Thank you for this article, it hit home with me at Hello! I too know by the first second I see or hear him. My husband continues to lie about his drinking straight to my face every day. All trust is gone. Words don’t mean anything anymore. I don’t know why I stay except that I’m a hopeful person and he currently has a job and it’s better financially right now. But as history shows that too shall change! I appreciate your words of wisdom!!
I can’t thank you enough for this article. It all resonated with me. It is good to know I am not alone in my thoughts, but I am deeply sorry so many people are living with this disease. It is difficult to know when to call it quits especially when I love him.
So true. I can tell by looking at him whether he is drinking again--the way his eyes look, the way he holds his head, and walks--then I know to be on guard and not believe him, no matter how earnest he seems.
I needed to hear this today. How do yall deal with the humiliation? Embarrassment. I don't feel like I want anyone to know. I don't want my grown children to worry about me and/or think that I am weak and just accepted it over and over. Thoughts anyone?
You are always spot on!!! They really think we don’t know what they have been up to.
It’s all about actions.
Thank you once again for reinforcing us!!!
Thank you Michelle for another topic of great concern. I will never ever trust him again. I've been let down too many times. We are married over 25 years. He tells me he doesn't trust me either. He's been an addict of either alcohol or pills for the entire time I have known him after the marrige. I say after the marriage because he lied before the marriage and I believed him and married him. He also has covert narcissist personality disorder. I stay in my own lane and life the best life I can being married to this man. Sad but true. 80 year old men don't change. He does go to AA meetings regularly, whether or not he works the program is another story, anyone can show up.
Thank you for this article and all your articles. I so much enjoy reading them. I have a 32yr daughter who is in so much denial of a drug addiction for the past 6yrs and are in desperate help. I’m hoping an article will be posted for denial. Thanks
P.S. THANK YOU, Michelle and LOA!!
I am learning to only pay attention to his actions.
I just nod and smile and don't engage in deep conversations when he says he is "really tired" or his back is "hurting." It usually feels to me like he has been drinking. I may not have seen it happen It doesn't matter. I just stay in my lane and keep a quiet mouth. My new additiction therapist says, like you, Michelle, to "only watch behavior" that tells me everything I need to know! And I do not have to engage with poor behavior. 🩷
My husband has gotten worse throughout the years, can only seem to stay sober for 2 weeks after getting help… Binge drinks for the next 2 until his body can’t no more. I’m so worn out 😫 I honestly can’t anymore.. I’m an emotional wreck, half the time feeling anxious! I feel so guilty just thinking I need out for my own sake.. but is it valid to feel this way of wanting out!?!? 😭😭😭
This post helped me so much my husband was a year sober then relapsed for a year because he honestly thought he “could handle light beer” this became a cycle of light beer, heavy beer, really high alc beer, whiskey, then hitting rock bottom and deciding to stay sober. My issue was his not communicating with me about his sober plan . After a tiff about my wanting to be in the know and him taking it defensive as me controlling we worked it out. Trust is really hard but while his words were slim his actions have been good, so this post really helped me see that.
My partner and I are both in recovery. He is in recovery from alcohol and I am in recovery from drugs. He relapsed last week and is now sober again, but during the few days he was drinking he lied to me every day multiple times. Every day we ask each other “Are you sober?” at least once. When he relapses it’s hard for me to not relapse too because of all the difficult emotions that come up for me. This time I didn’t relapse too. Thank you for your articles, I’ve been reading for while.
Anyone experience a partner who has alcohol issues want to limit to just a couple beers…..hard to know if I can trust after he’s caused a lot of drama, embarrassment, and risk—-this is typically when indulging in hard alcohol or high alcoholic drinks. I think I’m ok with two low alc beers but the risk scares me —-not sure if this is a wait and see situation
Thank you Michelle for all the encouraging words. And thank you to all the wonder ladies for sharing their stories and encouraging words. It nice to know I am not alone and others know how I feel.