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DIANE's avatar

I hear what you're saying as far as being "dignified." I like to take the high road myself.

But there's a fine line between that and losing your sense of self. I am at a point where I am angry with myself for not dealing with it head-on. He is a narcissist, so I guess that's a good enough reason to not speak my mind. It wouldn't matter what I said anyway, so I just learned to not say anything at all. I am a peace maker, by nature and I don't want to fight.

But I am taken advantage of because of it. I now seem to have this complex about not having a voice. Feeling stifled is becoming a theme in my life. So, to survive, I just go on my merry way, do my own thing and try to let things roll off my shoulders. It feels like denial.

But I'm tired of that. After 37 years of allowing his wreckless, disrespectful and selfish behavior, I don't think it was the right way to handle it at all. I should have put my foot down so long ago. I never learned how to establish boundaries. And I'm still struggling with it.

And this I say as being newly divorced for not even a month. And he's STILL ON MY COUCH!! So that's where I'm at today. I felt like venting. I would love any feedback anyone would like to offer.

And thank you for providing this forum as well.

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Barbara E Murray's avatar

When my husband relapses, I think of him as Clyde because I don't like that name and I don't like the person he becomes. When I am tempted to open up, I try to tell myself that my husband is asleep and I am sharing space with this person so I try to be polite, non- comittal and distant. That does make it easier.

Also, when I am being lied to or when he contradicts himself seven different ways in as many minutes, I am tempted to call out the BS but then I remind myself that Peace is more important and it won't matter anyway. I can address the lies later.

The dignity phrase is good..that helps especially for those in- between times when they aren't completely gone...but are getting there..or are emerging from the cloud.

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