Why I Decided To Leave My Ex-Husband + a recording for you to listen

Well - maybe a more appropriate title should be, "One of the MANY reasons I decided to leave my ex-husband" - but you get the point:)

Did I ever tell you one of the reasons I decided to leave my husband was because of a basketball hoop we purchased for my son's Christmas gift?

My six-year-old son wanted to learn how to play basketball. And we had just enough space in our backyard to set up a real basketball hoop so he could safely practice. 

This hoop was not the plastic kind for little kids. This was the heavy, 10-foot, NBA kind.

On Christmas morning, my oldest son opened the big gift. But tears started rolling down his cheeks when he realized it had to be assembled.

I looked at my husband and waited to see if he would grab some tools and get started. Instead of assembling his son's new toy, he made up an excuse to leave the house - something about needing to pick up a laptop at work - got in his car on Christmas day and met his drug dealer.

My teenage brother came to the rescue and put together the basketball hoop in the cold, snowy weather for hours until his hands became numb and the sun went to sleep. 

That's the kind of love my children needed. But it was not the kind of love they had from their parent. 

Their father was sick and kept choosing drugs over his family, but why did I have to choose to live with his decision?

He was constantly leaving his family, but why didn't I take the kids and leave?

A few months later, I did leave. It was well-planned, and it took a village. I would have stayed if he got sober.

Breaking up a family was never what I wanted. But then again, I didn't break up a family by leaving him.  

Addiction broke up my family.

Driving down 1-75 in a big U-Haul to start a new life in Florida, I was scared, lonely, and broke. I was a single mom who had tried everything she could not to be single. 

But there I was, full of anxiety and three babies, headed toward our next chapter.

There was a surprise I found while planning our new life... courage. As it turns out, I was full of it. 

Addiction tried to convince me I was worthless and used up. But with each step, I found some deeply buried courage waiting to be rediscovered.

Courage is a funny thing... it only appears when you really need it. 

You do not feel courageous when brushing your teeth, reading a book, or folding laundry. Courage lays low. It's stuffed deep between your joints and only shows up when necessary.

So if you're stuck and remaining uncomfortably comfortable in your pain because you're afraid, you'll never pull up that courage that's waiting for you.

Courage is begging to prove that you're capable of saying and doing what you've wanted to do or say. You just need to put the plan in motion and follow through. 

You can count on your courage. It's always reliable and never-ending.

You're a survivor. You're an advocate and a defender. You ARE strong and courageous. 

What are you feeling afraid of lately? Let's remind each other of our courage by leaving a comment below.

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