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Erika's avatar

While I can relate to all the reasons listed, I feel some what ashamed to admit that one of the reasons I stay is because I would be so mad at myself if I leave and he final gets sober and ends up with another women happily ever after. I've invested so much energy, money, blood, sweat and tears into the relationship. I'd probably literally turn into a football player and tackle another woman for having the man I always wanted. I know it sounds possessive and maybe even insecure, but I've always encouraged him to be the best man he can be. Ive tried to lead by example, withdrawl judgment, and show compassion dispite the hard fact that I know this is such a toxic place to be. After having two babies and literally changing my identity to be with him, the thought of seeing him healthy without myself and our kids is paralysising.

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Krista's avatar

All too familiar. I have stayed for many reasons. Then one day I realized I couldn't after 2.5 yrs of therapy. My husband had his first DUI (Nov 2022) on his way to visit our new granddaughter in a different state. Totaled his truck miraculously didn't injure himself or anyone else. 2 nights in jail. I am thankful for TX strictness. Continued to drink. Interlock system in his car continued to drink. Two fines for violating the interlock system. This resulted with a braclet on his ankle to measure any alcohol in his body. If he violated the ankle bracelet, he would spend six months in jail. Days before his last court date, I consulted an attorney cried the entire day. Paid fees for an apartment and made plans with work to move out and file for separation. Days after his court date, I was face revising the previous decision ... back to stay or leave. My husband had not been sober for more than 11 days. After rehab (Oct 2021), he was sober for maybe two months. The probability of him ending up in jail was high. He has 59 days of sobriety so far. I am excited for him and our family. What happens when there is no interlock system and no braclet with consequences? He doesn't go to AA and says counseling doesn't work. Nothing has changed for me ... I still want out of the relationship. In the midst of this all, in a job I don't like trying to get ahead so I can finally go full-time in my own business September of this year. It is grueling at times but I focus on myself and goals.

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