26 Comments
Nov 15, 2023·edited Nov 16, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

Hi Michelle, been following you for several years. Any thoughts from women over 50 out there who have left or are about to leave a good man who suffers from addiction? “Fear is the mind killer…” (DUNE)😔

Expand full comment
author

Hi Bobbi Jo, leaving is always scary no matter what stage in life we are in. A few years ago I interviewed a women in her 70's who said something like, "I was worried it was too late for me to change my life. What's the point? But then, I realized, I wanted to live the remaining years in peace and happiness." She left, and told me she has never been happier. Life is finally good again.

Expand full comment

🙏🏼☀️

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

Following

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2023·edited Nov 16, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

Thank you for validating our option of giving ourselves permission to do (or not) whatever brings us the most peace and joy during the holidays. This year, my goal is to be my very best friend. Instead of feeling sad that husband won’t sit in the dark with me and admire the beautiful twinkling lights on our tree, I’ll do that with myself. Instead of missing out on seeing a Christmas ballet or symphony performance because he hates them, I’ll go with myself and enjoy every second. I’ll take my new traditional dawn walk on Christmas morning with myself to recharge, reflect, and connect with my higher power in gratitude. He gets to do him this year with no tugging and pleading, and I get to do me no matter how much he pouts.

Expand full comment
author

Wendy, this is perfection. Yay you!

Expand full comment
Nov 18, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

Michelle, over 50, returned to FT nursing, trying to leave the most amazing man (when sober) whose daily addiction spiraled out of control when Covid hit and fear has been holding me back... going to be 58 next year and DO NOT want to keep living this way...

I wish there was a group for over 50. I believe it’s hard for anyone, but think it’s a totally different “mind set” w/r/t leaving for someone around my age.

Food for thought.

Expand full comment
author

That’s really important feedback Mick, thank you. And nursing is such an important job. We have lots of nurses/caregivers in this community. 💝 I’m glad you’re here.

Expand full comment

Thank you!! Blessings and great health! Ty for what you do!!

Expand full comment
Nov 17, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

Just when I think I have added a milestone--settling right in to a new place, a new routine--my husband gets blood work that is routine with diabetes. And of course they ALWAYS run a metabolic panel b/c he has alcoholic liver, which had been getting better for a little while, until he "rewarded" himself for the improvements by drinking more. (Really? REALLY?) Anyway, the panel was awful on all liver function factors--the worst it's ever been-- and the doc says he may need a transplant but won't be eligible unless he is not drinking.

Happy holidays, right? This year, instead of worrying and fussing over what he might or might not do to add excitement to the celebration (thanks, husband), we'll be sharing this information with family members.

I am so confused about my role, my feelings, my resentment... Is there a Prayer ER where clarity is administered immediately and intervention is implemented ASAP??

Expand full comment
author

Tara, your comment inspired me to start working on an article about resentment. Stay tuned and THANK YOU for being vulnerable. Oh, and no worries, I didn’t use your words or name.

Expand full comment
Nov 17, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

Michelle, I’m so glad you are back to podcasting! We are SO BLESSED by you and your wisdom.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Gina 😊 I’m super nervous all over again. I love hearing from everyone!

Expand full comment
Nov 16, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

I have seperated from my Alcoholic Husband after 21 years, 3 autoimmune disease's, depression , PTSD. I finally had the strength to leave. A big part of that was Michelle's podcast! Unless I have to be in his company I am the happiest I have been in years not living with that everyday!

This is the 1st Christmas I will not attend his Family Christmas (thank God!) however I am now made the "Bad Girl". You see my Husband is a master of manipulation a high functioning narcissistic / alcoholic he hides how nasty he can get from them when drinking, the fowl language, insults, physical and verbal abusive. What his families says is:

" oh thats just Him ....." he drinks too much but that's only at parties, he's a really good guy"

I have cried for help over the years to his Family....crickets they will not even reply, like it doesn't exist, I'm "making it up"......so I just said nothing for years.

How do I get over the obsession to tell them the truth, it just feels so unfair! I just can't play the happy wife anymore?? or do I just let go and organically over time will tell.

Here I am again feeling sorry for the Alcholic, I know he will have to make up an excuse or lie about why I am not there.

Marguerite

Expand full comment
Nov 17, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

These are new lessons to learn as you slowly unwind yourself from your marriage and the Co-dependency that addiction brings. Enabling the alcoholic is so common, you have always looked out for them and now they will have to look out for themselves. Chances are, even if his family backs him and won't tell you, they know what kind of man your husband truly is. You don't really need to prove anything to them because he will or has done that for himself. I agree it is hard when it's possible he will attempt to manipulate the situation, and you can't stop that from happening. You really don't know how things will shake out. Maybe a family member will reach out to ask what happened and not just take his word for it. Maybe silence from his family, is the peace that you need this year. Who knows? You'll have to navigate it one moment at a time but know that you are "unwinding" the disfunction during the holidays is a big win.

Expand full comment

Thank you Britt from the bottom of my broken heart! I will hang on to this and take the "unwinding" the disfunction during the holidays as a big win! Marguerite

Expand full comment

Hi I’d love to listen to your new podcast but can’t find them x

Expand full comment
author

New episode is coming out tomorrow:) You can google Love Over Addiction Podcast and it should come up. Also at the bottom of this post there are links.

Expand full comment
Nov 15, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

I have been following you for some time now and so happy to see you return. You got me thru some tough times and helped me realize that none of this is my fault. I have a different view on the holiday’s now . My kids are older. Wish I could have done things differently. I always made sure my kids had a good Christmas and the house was decorated inside and out. Thank you for your guidance so helpful.

Expand full comment
author

💕💕

Expand full comment
Nov 15, 2023Liked by Michelle Anderson

I just want to thank you for making your posts free. I have been wanting to read them, but was unable to pay due to my financial situation. When I saw you were no longer charging a fee, I was so thankful!

Expand full comment
author

So welcome Mandi 💕

Expand full comment

Hi Michelle, I don't really know what to write but I'm separated from my husband and he was in hospital over Christmas due to his alcoholism. He was discharged today and I am finding it so difficult to switch off from him. Even though we are not together now, addiction is still seeping into my life and thoughts daily, how do you let go? Why do i still feel some responsibility, I know its not my fault, sometimes I feel that I'll never be free or happy again. Sorry if this is depressing, just how I am feeling right now. X

Expand full comment

I'm always so grateful for your posts... my husband is nearly a year into recovery but we had a big blow out over the weekend and between that and working over time -- which had not been the plan this year -- my usual Christmas spirit is dim... It's been a hell of a year with both my husband and I in recovery programs. A lot is good. A lot is still very much broken and my trauma springs up at the most unexpected and inopertune times... Next year I am going to do things differently.

Expand full comment

Hi Michelle, I first discovered your podcast about 2 years ago and I suppose I would describe it as a lighthouse during a storm. This Christmas will be the fourth one where my husbands drink and cocaine addiction has been at its worst. Christmas Eve 2021 was the worst ever and I found myself up till 2am alone getting everything ready for our then 2 and 4 year old children after one of my husbands drinking binges, which included a horrible evening of verbal abuse followed by him staggering off to bed and refusing to help with any of the preparation. I felt sick to my stomach that I would have to pretend that everything was ok for my kids and our entire families who were arriving the next morning to spend the day with us. I was exhausted, angry and so sad. Last year was better but the last few weeks have been so bad. I feel so sad that I’m anxious about Christmas these days instead of looking forward to it, especially as our kids are so little. Love to all, grateful for this space x

Expand full comment

Thank you for sharing your insights and offering a compassionate perspective for those grappling with the complexities of addiction during the holidays.

Expand full comment