What To Do When They Start Getting Mean

Let’s talk about what to do if our loved ones start with embarrassing behavior or, worse, abusive behavior.

The most helpful thing we can do is remove ourselves from the situation and retreat to our safe space.

One of the core beliefs we have at Love Over Addiction is that addiction is a third party in our relationships. We view addiction as a separate entity from our loved ones. This helps us with forgiveness and to process why we love someone who can be so cruel and self-destructive.

When they start being rude, nasty, or mean, that’s the addiction trying to bait us. Addiction craves conflict and control. We don’t need to stand there and take it - but we also don’t need to take the bait.

Instead, we can remove ourselves from the situation.

There was a time I was in the car with my ex-husband, headed to dinner. I was six months pregnant, and he was in a nasty mood, trying to start a fight. I remember thinking, “I am trapped. I can’t go anywhere. I can’t remove myself from this situation. Do I just sit here and take this?”

So what did I do?

We were at a red light, so I opened the door and got out of the car. We were within a mile of our home, and I walked all the way back to our house.

I’m sharing this with you to say: Go to whatever great lengths you have to in order to remove yourself from confrontational situations that make you feel unsafe.

We have options.

If we’re willing to be creative and think outside the box, we’ll always have choices.

Was I super uncomfortable walking a mile with slip-on shoes (slip-ons were the only shoes I could get my feet into at six months pregnant) - yes.

Did I feel like a loser and worry that all my neighbors were probably thinking, “What the heck is that lady doing walking with a maternity dress on in the dark?” Yes, I sure did.

With each step, I kept thinking - how did my life get this bad? I’m so embarrassed. And then I wondered if he would turn the car around, apologize, and beg me to get back in (he didn’t).

But that night, I realized that staying engaged in an argument or staying in a space where I feel physically threatened is never okay.

If you’re in a situation where you are being baited for an argument or you just feel unsafe or uncomfortable with your surroundings, it’s okay to bail. Get creative and get out. Abort. We deserve to feel safe. Always.

What do you do that helps when you feel unsafe? I would love to hear your suggestions.

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