As always, your timing is spot on. My AH and I are at the start of an amicable divorce. We both know that things won’t change, and I’ve come to grips with the fact that I’m going to have to sacrifice a good portion of my retirement in order to move on. Every day for the last several months, I told myself that each day in this relationship is another day lost, so I spoke to my FA to understand how much I could afford to cough up and still be financially stable alone. Again, it’s a tough pill to swallow, but the alternative - staying together - has been too paralyzing for too long. It’s actually pretty amazing how at peace I now feel. You, Michelle, and this community saved me. You showed me that this disease isn’t about ME, that I’m NOT crazy, and that I’m worth more than this. You held my virtual hand and walked me through the steps to find some sanity. I could not be more grateful for the peace to which you’ve led me.
A beautiful real life story! You got what you richly deserved because you "stayed the course because the option of going back to a life of chaos and trauma seemed so much more difficult than moving forward (or, on some days, just standing still)."
As much as an addict's life revolves around his addictive substance of choice, the loved one's life revolve around the addict, often to the point of paranoia, making them as sick as the addict. By the Grace of God and your own efforts you learnt to Let Go and Let God do his job. Many spouses drive themselves mad trying to get their addict partner back to normal and in the bargain they become mentally and emotionally unstable. But, you learnt to disconnect emotionally and take care of yourself and your children. Now enjoy the fruits of your recovery.
I agree with Mary, posts are always timely for me. My relationship with my narcissistic, alcoholic, surgeon was on and off for almost 20 years. We were engaged at one time but that was officially broken off but we still were in and out of relationship. He stopped practicing medicine and became homeless. Still I would reach out. Most recently it looked like he was getting it together and I gave him housing at a rental property in exchange for handyman services. There has always been a small part of my heart that hoped he'd find sobriety and then find me again. Why would I want him back after all the greenlighting and isolation it caused me? Anyway, he stayed at my rental but the handy man part didn't work out so I asked him to leave. He did not. So I evicted him formally. He left without incident. Then 33 days after that he died of complications due to liver failure. I am so sad. This was not even a month ago. Why am I sad? I was not wanting a relationship at this time but certainly I didn't want him to die. Why did he not let me know it was that bad. I did know but historically he would get help. Why at the end did he not reach out for me? Maybe that was his final act of kindness , to not reach out. I would have like to have been with him at his passing to let him know I did love him. Hopefully now he is at peace and hopefully now I can find peace.
I am SO sorry KB. I felt your post so deeply. My biggest fear is that my ex is going to die from this disease prematurely whether it be from suicide or kidney disease. And it is wild isn't it how we totally don't want the relationship that is currently being presented, but the idea of what the relationship could be IF they found their way. It's like a fantasy/fairytale that we so desperately don't want to let go of even if logically it isn't for our best. I completely feel that. Thankfully he is no longer suffering even though it wasn't on the terms you had hoped for. Sending you all of my love during this time of grief.
We are a brave group. All of us that are here on this sight understand what each of us has gone through and continue to go through. We don’t know one another but we know each other better than our closest friend or family…because of what we hear, see, witness, endure, reject, stick around for, reject again, yet stay…and finally- we decide- or maybe we haven’t
I was married for 38 years-3 amazing sons, both of us in successful careers, beautiful house-our friends would call our life a charmed life-
Until alcohol broke the spell-
I found Michelle when I was desperately seeking answers, in the middle of the night, googling my life- up popped Michelle- she knew exactly what was happening behind my closed door-
The lies, finding bottles hidden everywhere, dumping them out, broken promises, verbal abuse, blame, shame, keeping the disease hidden, finally exposing everything, rehab multiple times, relapse, detoxing at home, the fear that brings, the realization, the final straw,
The separation, the attorneys, the divorce,
The aftermath-
Now- I’m free from the daily abuse, free to focus on rebuilding my life, figuring out how that goes
but the grief of my loss, his disease haunts me every day- after all of this there’s still that fairy tale ending that I dream of - knowing it will never come true- I’m left with grieving the living dead , knowing he is actively using, slowing killing himself- it’s too much to bare witness to-
Were divorced but my sons are left with dealing with him- in trying to save myself- the burden has now shifted to my sons- they can’t divorce their dad-
This is the only time I’ve ever shared this- I know this community will understand- I’m grateful for this safe place to vent-
You really are brave. Sadly, you're right in that so many of us understand this mayhem all too well. Weird as it sounds, I'm grateful that we never had any kids so that they didn't have to deal with this insanity as well. Bravo to you!!
You are so brave! I understand exactly what you are saying. My child deserves a dad (and he can't divorce him like I did), but seeing him still in the throws of addiction is difficult. Sounds like you raised your kids to be tough, so they will be OK. You continue your journey to health and happiness! Nothing that happens to your ex is your fault. Remember that.
Last night was the night, lines were crossed and there is no coming back from this. I said it’s over and I finally felt peace. Then the next minute scared of my future, but there is no future,and no happiness if I stay. 15years of four days drunk and three days in the bed. Nasty days to love bombing days. I see less and less of the man a married each day. 35 years we’ve been together, I thought we had a great relationship, normal life arguments but nothing bad. We raised two great young men both married with families of their own. They hate watching their dad go down hill. He retired five years ago and it’s all about the drinking. But last night he slipped, and he is furious with himself and me because he thinks I pushed him to say something. He admitted to cheating our whole marriage over fifty women, my knees gave way. We had a very active sex life, why? He said he has such a strong sexual drive, but he always used protection. Oh yeah that makes it okay. I have no clue who this person is but I do know I want him gone. We said we are going to be fair with everything, but he needs to get sober first so we can talk Trying to keep it just us till then but he posted it on social media last night. I’m sorry this is so long and I’m sure my grammar is not correct but I need to talk to someone. I don’t feel like I have anyone I can be truly open with at the moment. My sisters are wonderful, but they are dealing with some challenges of their own. I found this pod cast couple years ago, and it’s help me get through many tough days. But to turn on my car this morning and see this one, I knew it was a sign. I’m not alone.
Michelle I understand you need to take a break, you will be missed, but I needed you to know that you and God changed my whole trajectory of my life.
I thought I married a good man. I wanted a man that emulated all of my dad’s characteristics. The man I married had a top secret security clearance and did security on the Air Force 2 plane with Clinton. I knew him since 7th grade. We were best friends before marrying at 20. I could always count on him…so much so that I went from being very independent to gradually dependent despite the fact I had a good career. But life throws you curve balls and got the best of him. So I stepped up to the plate and took over. It went from acute pancreatitis to now lesions on his pancreas at age 43. During this time I attempted leaving, left, filed for divorce, stopped it and left again. It wasn’t until he begged me to come back and promised he would change after the cancer scare that I found you while searching for help for him. I thought that if he stopped drinking things would go back to the old days.
Your calming voice soothed me to sleep. You always said you were married to a good man that suffered from alcohol but the podcast you did on what if you are NOT married to a good man that suffers from AD but is actually a sociopath…I woke up out of my sleep and had chills. For years I tried to figure out his diagnosis because it never felt like just AD and he fit all of the boxes of a narcissist. Not only was I dealing with alcoholism but a personality disorder. I delved into every book/podcast and he matched all of the things. That’s when I had the epiphany, I knew I had to get out and fast, there was no calling my friends, mom, I left. He didn’t know until the movers came that morning. Me and my 14 yo son, well our son, left. the divorce was hell. Him saying he was too sick to go court, in and and of the hospital. But once he found new supply, he finally signed 7 mo later . Yes I left a beautiful house, not a home anymore. I have a lot of debt, but it’s priceless to come to our little townhouse of peace. Not seeing him passed out in the car, taking his keys and hiding them, promises that always got broken, verbal abuse that still haunts me.
Who knows, I may die before him, but the way his health is and seeing him loose so much weight makes me cry. Despite all the hell, I still wish and pray he will stop drinking. I can’t bear to tell the kids and I still think about the way I pictured our future.
So if you made it this far reading, thanks and condolences to all who have unfortunately lost a love one to this disease and much love and peace to all of you, but I can’t let you go Michelle without telling you that you truly saved my life and my children’s. I was so afraid they would hate me for leaving but turned out they thank me for being so brave.
God gave you a gift and I will always be thankful to you and the kind hearts of the people on the platform for sharing. I honestly think I would still be there…waiting for change and dying a slow death. I am trying to find me after 23 years but it’s ok.
Tiffany your post really resonates with me. I pictured my future very different than what it is now. I am still married to my AH and am experiencing the constant ups and downs daily, after 20 years and two kids. Every time I think it’s getting better, BAM - it’s something else. It’s exhausting. But I’m learning to focus on me and I am trying to teach my kids to do the same.
On a separate note, you mentioned that the author Michelle is taking a break. I missed this - where / when did she share this?
Thank you for always sharing your truth, vulnerable and all. I left and your post resonates so much. I'm at awe how peaceful my world has become not having to worry 24/7. Meeting someone new still sounds scary, since I don't want to make the same mistake. Any advice?
Congratulations on having the courage to find your peace Laura. 🥰
Truth? Dating terrified me.
I remember pulling into a random Walmart parking lot after a date and crying in my car, not because it was bad, but because it was just another step forward that required believing in my dream to be loved.
I was awkward and constantly scared of being hurt again. But … I was clear on what I wanted. And what I wouldn’t tolerate (abuse, addiction, lying etc).
I tried to approach dating with curiosity and kindness (and really unbreakable boundaries).
And I’m so glad I kept putting myself out there because I’ve been with my husband for over 13 years.
You’re got this Laura. I believe in your dream. You deserve love. 💕
Thanks for sharing, honest and hopeful! Dating is just so different these days, on top of being scared... I guess it all comes back to what you've been preaching Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries. Gosh I hope I'll be better with it this time around.
As much as I hate to admit it, I have been legally divorced for almost 6 years, yet I haven't actually emotionally moved on. This disease has kept me in stuck with me "rescuing", providing support, being a confidant etc. All the things a wife would do. I will say I have made improvements, even if they are small steps forward. My biggest challenge has been my ex's suicide attempts and him reaching to me for support. I have actually actively stopped him which was terrifying. These podcasts and posts have continued to help me not feel alone and seen. They help me keep moving forward and understand that this disease has nothing to do with my self-worth. That I am 100% unable to do anything to change anyone's behavior/choices. That I HAVE to keep living "my life" no matter what my daughter's father does with his life. I still pray that he will successfully live a sober life and be able to be all that I feel he can. Thank you, Michelle, for your honesty. It makes it safe to feel all the feels
Thank you, and let me share this with you. I had only a relatively short relationship, 2 years, but love is love. I'm going through the same phases as you described. You helped me. A warm heartfelt thank you.
I left my AH partner a few days after this last post (podcast ) Michelle did - was so ironic the timing - now 7 weeks later I still struggle . Knowing I 100% did the right thing leaving him (ie kicking him out of my house)
but I broke down n spoke to him the other day - and now that he hit rock bottom. … Lost everything - me ,his kids. Friends, ended up in the hospital etc . …he seems to finally be doing the “ right “ thing for recovery for the first time. Why ?! Couldn’t he do this before ?! Ugha. I know it was not possible for him til he hit this wall ….and I have to release that from my brain but I’m definitely struggling with it.
I think. ..” Oh great with all the shit n pain I went through with him someone else will reap the benefits of a healthier guy n wonderful relationship ! Ugha. “ …. I know this was His/ Our journey and his disease wouldn’t allow it to b any other way and I do find peace in that …. Just sooo hard 🥺
- finding this a safe space to share my heart❤️🩹. Thank you n my best to everyone on this tough journey no matter where you are in it XO
I too just left my alcoholic fiancé or should I say I “ kicked “ him out of my house - a smart , funny man with a disease that I will no longer be a part of. Enabler etc. These stories n podcast are a huge reason I finally ended it. Among his incredibly hurtful antics - I could no longer live with it . Time for ME to focus on my journey n stay in my lane always … n take care of myself in a healthy way - my best to everyone here !💞
I am glad I could help. The situation that we in this group are in hurts and it I don’t know another word besides it’s not fair because I’ve been told so many times that life is not fair, but it really sucks, but to have that network of people who get it and can relate means a lot. Xoxo
Perhaps my brother said it best to his then girlfriend also an alcoholic:" it looks like you are already in a more serious relationship, one you are really willing to fight for, with me. "
How can we compete? When our honesty is not acknowledged, tred on and forever the feeling of losing connection of the one we so desperately what to get close to? A save emotional bound, a save haven. We are human and we need to be loved, held and acknowledged.
Thank you for letting me vent some of my thoughts here.
Good thoughts create good words that result in good actions.
My AH and I separated at the end of August, right about the time that I filed. It's been amicable, as I mentioned in my previous comment. But, now I am finding myself a little lost. I spent so much time and energy (pre-Michelle & LOA) trying to control my AH situation, then so much time and energy (post Michelle & LOA) improving my situation that now, I'm not sure what to do next. Because of this roller coaster ride of addiction, I have not been able to maintain any true friendships, and I'm not sure what my "new purpose" is now. I'm hoping that it's all new, and that by feeling my way along, I'll get there. But right now, I just feel lost.
My husband has been sober now for just over a year, and has shown no signs of relapse and is actively engaged in his recovery support. It all seems so positive BUT... He was on antidepressants for 10 months. He seemed a calmer nicer more considerate person to be around, at times. However, in the last few months we are getting into arguments over the least wee thing. And, I am seeing glimpses of his ugly side emerge again, the need to put down, shouting, cursing impatiently at me and it triggers me as I see the old alcoholic in him. My response is to flee, use sarcasm to deflect and to ultimately try to make peace but I can't keep doing this and my anger and resentment towards him has come back as I feel he hasn't really changed that much towards me and how he shows that My feelings matter and I am valued. I am writing this after driving 2 hours home from a planned holiday as I couldn't stand to be around him as he refused to take any responsibility for his attitude to me after shouting and cursing at me in a public campsite. I'm not sure who heard but I was so humiliated and spent the rest of the evening and last night in silence and crying. I've sent him texts and spoke to him on the phone but at no time would he even address how he spoke to me other than to say "if I had just done whay I was told" - I'm 57 not 5 years old. I am so depressed right now.
You deserve more than this. I thought the negative aspects of my ex were down to drug use. I now don’t think they were. I think that side was always there. Something to consider as this makes forgiving and moving forward very difficult if the behaviours you need to forgive keep happening even when sober x
As always, your timing is spot on. My AH and I are at the start of an amicable divorce. We both know that things won’t change, and I’ve come to grips with the fact that I’m going to have to sacrifice a good portion of my retirement in order to move on. Every day for the last several months, I told myself that each day in this relationship is another day lost, so I spoke to my FA to understand how much I could afford to cough up and still be financially stable alone. Again, it’s a tough pill to swallow, but the alternative - staying together - has been too paralyzing for too long. It’s actually pretty amazing how at peace I now feel. You, Michelle, and this community saved me. You showed me that this disease isn’t about ME, that I’m NOT crazy, and that I’m worth more than this. You held my virtual hand and walked me through the steps to find some sanity. I could not be more grateful for the peace to which you’ve led me.
A beautiful real life story! You got what you richly deserved because you "stayed the course because the option of going back to a life of chaos and trauma seemed so much more difficult than moving forward (or, on some days, just standing still)."
As much as an addict's life revolves around his addictive substance of choice, the loved one's life revolve around the addict, often to the point of paranoia, making them as sick as the addict. By the Grace of God and your own efforts you learnt to Let Go and Let God do his job. Many spouses drive themselves mad trying to get their addict partner back to normal and in the bargain they become mentally and emotionally unstable. But, you learnt to disconnect emotionally and take care of yourself and your children. Now enjoy the fruits of your recovery.
I agree with Mary, posts are always timely for me. My relationship with my narcissistic, alcoholic, surgeon was on and off for almost 20 years. We were engaged at one time but that was officially broken off but we still were in and out of relationship. He stopped practicing medicine and became homeless. Still I would reach out. Most recently it looked like he was getting it together and I gave him housing at a rental property in exchange for handyman services. There has always been a small part of my heart that hoped he'd find sobriety and then find me again. Why would I want him back after all the greenlighting and isolation it caused me? Anyway, he stayed at my rental but the handy man part didn't work out so I asked him to leave. He did not. So I evicted him formally. He left without incident. Then 33 days after that he died of complications due to liver failure. I am so sad. This was not even a month ago. Why am I sad? I was not wanting a relationship at this time but certainly I didn't want him to die. Why did he not let me know it was that bad. I did know but historically he would get help. Why at the end did he not reach out for me? Maybe that was his final act of kindness , to not reach out. I would have like to have been with him at his passing to let him know I did love him. Hopefully now he is at peace and hopefully now I can find peace.
I am SO sorry KB. I felt your post so deeply. My biggest fear is that my ex is going to die from this disease prematurely whether it be from suicide or kidney disease. And it is wild isn't it how we totally don't want the relationship that is currently being presented, but the idea of what the relationship could be IF they found their way. It's like a fantasy/fairytale that we so desperately don't want to let go of even if logically it isn't for our best. I completely feel that. Thankfully he is no longer suffering even though it wasn't on the terms you had hoped for. Sending you all of my love during this time of grief.
Thank you for the support!
Wow:( my sentiments exactly. I am so sorry. We know their potential and sadly believe in it more than do❤️
Thank you for the support❤️🙏🤗
We are a brave group. All of us that are here on this sight understand what each of us has gone through and continue to go through. We don’t know one another but we know each other better than our closest friend or family…because of what we hear, see, witness, endure, reject, stick around for, reject again, yet stay…and finally- we decide- or maybe we haven’t
I was married for 38 years-3 amazing sons, both of us in successful careers, beautiful house-our friends would call our life a charmed life-
Until alcohol broke the spell-
I found Michelle when I was desperately seeking answers, in the middle of the night, googling my life- up popped Michelle- she knew exactly what was happening behind my closed door-
The lies, finding bottles hidden everywhere, dumping them out, broken promises, verbal abuse, blame, shame, keeping the disease hidden, finally exposing everything, rehab multiple times, relapse, detoxing at home, the fear that brings, the realization, the final straw,
The separation, the attorneys, the divorce,
The aftermath-
Now- I’m free from the daily abuse, free to focus on rebuilding my life, figuring out how that goes
but the grief of my loss, his disease haunts me every day- after all of this there’s still that fairy tale ending that I dream of - knowing it will never come true- I’m left with grieving the living dead , knowing he is actively using, slowing killing himself- it’s too much to bare witness to-
Were divorced but my sons are left with dealing with him- in trying to save myself- the burden has now shifted to my sons- they can’t divorce their dad-
This is the only time I’ve ever shared this- I know this community will understand- I’m grateful for this safe place to vent-
You really are brave. Sadly, you're right in that so many of us understand this mayhem all too well. Weird as it sounds, I'm grateful that we never had any kids so that they didn't have to deal with this insanity as well. Bravo to you!!
You are so brave! I understand exactly what you are saying. My child deserves a dad (and he can't divorce him like I did), but seeing him still in the throws of addiction is difficult. Sounds like you raised your kids to be tough, so they will be OK. You continue your journey to health and happiness! Nothing that happens to your ex is your fault. Remember that.
I feel this. Still in the situation. You are an inspiration.
Last night was the night, lines were crossed and there is no coming back from this. I said it’s over and I finally felt peace. Then the next minute scared of my future, but there is no future,and no happiness if I stay. 15years of four days drunk and three days in the bed. Nasty days to love bombing days. I see less and less of the man a married each day. 35 years we’ve been together, I thought we had a great relationship, normal life arguments but nothing bad. We raised two great young men both married with families of their own. They hate watching their dad go down hill. He retired five years ago and it’s all about the drinking. But last night he slipped, and he is furious with himself and me because he thinks I pushed him to say something. He admitted to cheating our whole marriage over fifty women, my knees gave way. We had a very active sex life, why? He said he has such a strong sexual drive, but he always used protection. Oh yeah that makes it okay. I have no clue who this person is but I do know I want him gone. We said we are going to be fair with everything, but he needs to get sober first so we can talk Trying to keep it just us till then but he posted it on social media last night. I’m sorry this is so long and I’m sure my grammar is not correct but I need to talk to someone. I don’t feel like I have anyone I can be truly open with at the moment. My sisters are wonderful, but they are dealing with some challenges of their own. I found this pod cast couple years ago, and it’s help me get through many tough days. But to turn on my car this morning and see this one, I knew it was a sign. I’m not alone.
I'm so sorry
Praying for you!
I’m so sorry. I feel your pain.
Michelle I understand you need to take a break, you will be missed, but I needed you to know that you and God changed my whole trajectory of my life.
I thought I married a good man. I wanted a man that emulated all of my dad’s characteristics. The man I married had a top secret security clearance and did security on the Air Force 2 plane with Clinton. I knew him since 7th grade. We were best friends before marrying at 20. I could always count on him…so much so that I went from being very independent to gradually dependent despite the fact I had a good career. But life throws you curve balls and got the best of him. So I stepped up to the plate and took over. It went from acute pancreatitis to now lesions on his pancreas at age 43. During this time I attempted leaving, left, filed for divorce, stopped it and left again. It wasn’t until he begged me to come back and promised he would change after the cancer scare that I found you while searching for help for him. I thought that if he stopped drinking things would go back to the old days.
Your calming voice soothed me to sleep. You always said you were married to a good man that suffered from alcohol but the podcast you did on what if you are NOT married to a good man that suffers from AD but is actually a sociopath…I woke up out of my sleep and had chills. For years I tried to figure out his diagnosis because it never felt like just AD and he fit all of the boxes of a narcissist. Not only was I dealing with alcoholism but a personality disorder. I delved into every book/podcast and he matched all of the things. That’s when I had the epiphany, I knew I had to get out and fast, there was no calling my friends, mom, I left. He didn’t know until the movers came that morning. Me and my 14 yo son, well our son, left. the divorce was hell. Him saying he was too sick to go court, in and and of the hospital. But once he found new supply, he finally signed 7 mo later . Yes I left a beautiful house, not a home anymore. I have a lot of debt, but it’s priceless to come to our little townhouse of peace. Not seeing him passed out in the car, taking his keys and hiding them, promises that always got broken, verbal abuse that still haunts me.
Who knows, I may die before him, but the way his health is and seeing him loose so much weight makes me cry. Despite all the hell, I still wish and pray he will stop drinking. I can’t bear to tell the kids and I still think about the way I pictured our future.
So if you made it this far reading, thanks and condolences to all who have unfortunately lost a love one to this disease and much love and peace to all of you, but I can’t let you go Michelle without telling you that you truly saved my life and my children’s. I was so afraid they would hate me for leaving but turned out they thank me for being so brave.
God gave you a gift and I will always be thankful to you and the kind hearts of the people on the platform for sharing. I honestly think I would still be there…waiting for change and dying a slow death. I am trying to find me after 23 years but it’s ok.
Eternally grateful for you,
Tiffany
Tiffany your post really resonates with me. I pictured my future very different than what it is now. I am still married to my AH and am experiencing the constant ups and downs daily, after 20 years and two kids. Every time I think it’s getting better, BAM - it’s something else. It’s exhausting. But I’m learning to focus on me and I am trying to teach my kids to do the same.
On a separate note, you mentioned that the author Michelle is taking a break. I missed this - where / when did she share this?
Thank you for always sharing your truth, vulnerable and all. I left and your post resonates so much. I'm at awe how peaceful my world has become not having to worry 24/7. Meeting someone new still sounds scary, since I don't want to make the same mistake. Any advice?
Congratulations on having the courage to find your peace Laura. 🥰
Truth? Dating terrified me.
I remember pulling into a random Walmart parking lot after a date and crying in my car, not because it was bad, but because it was just another step forward that required believing in my dream to be loved.
I was awkward and constantly scared of being hurt again. But … I was clear on what I wanted. And what I wouldn’t tolerate (abuse, addiction, lying etc).
I tried to approach dating with curiosity and kindness (and really unbreakable boundaries).
And I’m so glad I kept putting myself out there because I’ve been with my husband for over 13 years.
You’re got this Laura. I believe in your dream. You deserve love. 💕
Thanks for sharing, honest and hopeful! Dating is just so different these days, on top of being scared... I guess it all comes back to what you've been preaching Boundaries, Boundaries, Boundaries. Gosh I hope I'll be better with it this time around.
Following…😉
As much as I hate to admit it, I have been legally divorced for almost 6 years, yet I haven't actually emotionally moved on. This disease has kept me in stuck with me "rescuing", providing support, being a confidant etc. All the things a wife would do. I will say I have made improvements, even if they are small steps forward. My biggest challenge has been my ex's suicide attempts and him reaching to me for support. I have actually actively stopped him which was terrifying. These podcasts and posts have continued to help me not feel alone and seen. They help me keep moving forward and understand that this disease has nothing to do with my self-worth. That I am 100% unable to do anything to change anyone's behavior/choices. That I HAVE to keep living "my life" no matter what my daughter's father does with his life. I still pray that he will successfully live a sober life and be able to be all that I feel he can. Thank you, Michelle, for your honesty. It makes it safe to feel all the feels
We forget while enduring this disease with them about ourselves. Thanks for sharing❤️
Thank you, and let me share this with you. I had only a relatively short relationship, 2 years, but love is love. I'm going through the same phases as you described. You helped me. A warm heartfelt thank you.
I left my AH partner a few days after this last post (podcast ) Michelle did - was so ironic the timing - now 7 weeks later I still struggle . Knowing I 100% did the right thing leaving him (ie kicking him out of my house)
but I broke down n spoke to him the other day - and now that he hit rock bottom. … Lost everything - me ,his kids. Friends, ended up in the hospital etc . …he seems to finally be doing the “ right “ thing for recovery for the first time. Why ?! Couldn’t he do this before ?! Ugha. I know it was not possible for him til he hit this wall ….and I have to release that from my brain but I’m definitely struggling with it.
I think. ..” Oh great with all the shit n pain I went through with him someone else will reap the benefits of a healthier guy n wonderful relationship ! Ugha. “ …. I know this was His/ Our journey and his disease wouldn’t allow it to b any other way and I do find peace in that …. Just sooo hard 🥺
- finding this a safe space to share my heart❤️🩹. Thank you n my best to everyone on this tough journey no matter where you are in it XO
I too just left my alcoholic fiancé or should I say I “ kicked “ him out of my house - a smart , funny man with a disease that I will no longer be a part of. Enabler etc. These stories n podcast are a huge reason I finally ended it. Among his incredibly hurtful antics - I could no longer live with it . Time for ME to focus on my journey n stay in my lane always … n take care of myself in a healthy way - my best to everyone here !💞
I am glad I could help. The situation that we in this group are in hurts and it I don’t know another word besides it’s not fair because I’ve been told so many times that life is not fair, but it really sucks, but to have that network of people who get it and can relate means a lot. Xoxo
Perhaps my brother said it best to his then girlfriend also an alcoholic:" it looks like you are already in a more serious relationship, one you are really willing to fight for, with me. "
How can we compete? When our honesty is not acknowledged, tred on and forever the feeling of losing connection of the one we so desperately what to get close to? A save emotional bound, a save haven. We are human and we need to be loved, held and acknowledged.
Thank you for letting me vent some of my thoughts here.
Good thoughts create good words that result in good actions.
My AH and I separated at the end of August, right about the time that I filed. It's been amicable, as I mentioned in my previous comment. But, now I am finding myself a little lost. I spent so much time and energy (pre-Michelle & LOA) trying to control my AH situation, then so much time and energy (post Michelle & LOA) improving my situation that now, I'm not sure what to do next. Because of this roller coaster ride of addiction, I have not been able to maintain any true friendships, and I'm not sure what my "new purpose" is now. I'm hoping that it's all new, and that by feeling my way along, I'll get there. But right now, I just feel lost.
Hi Michelle, have you taken a break? I haven’t received any further writings of yours/LOA after this one.
Hi Susan:) I have been working on something for LOA behind the scenes but will be back soon:) xoxo
My husband has been sober now for just over a year, and has shown no signs of relapse and is actively engaged in his recovery support. It all seems so positive BUT... He was on antidepressants for 10 months. He seemed a calmer nicer more considerate person to be around, at times. However, in the last few months we are getting into arguments over the least wee thing. And, I am seeing glimpses of his ugly side emerge again, the need to put down, shouting, cursing impatiently at me and it triggers me as I see the old alcoholic in him. My response is to flee, use sarcasm to deflect and to ultimately try to make peace but I can't keep doing this and my anger and resentment towards him has come back as I feel he hasn't really changed that much towards me and how he shows that My feelings matter and I am valued. I am writing this after driving 2 hours home from a planned holiday as I couldn't stand to be around him as he refused to take any responsibility for his attitude to me after shouting and cursing at me in a public campsite. I'm not sure who heard but I was so humiliated and spent the rest of the evening and last night in silence and crying. I've sent him texts and spoke to him on the phone but at no time would he even address how he spoke to me other than to say "if I had just done whay I was told" - I'm 57 not 5 years old. I am so depressed right now.
You deserve more than this. I thought the negative aspects of my ex were down to drug use. I now don’t think they were. I think that side was always there. Something to consider as this makes forgiving and moving forward very difficult if the behaviours you need to forgive keep happening even when sober x
Truth!!