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Jules's avatar

Thank you for this Michelle ❤️ This popped up on my Substack notification at exactly the right time! My husband has gone out drinking with his friends tonight and I’m at home with our 4 and 6 year olds. He has been struggling with drink and cocaine addiction for the last 5 years and when he goes out with friends he gets drunk and usually also has cocaine. Over the years I have tried so many things to try and get him to recognise he has a problem and to change, ultimatums, counselling (for him, me and together), marking bottles, hiding booze etc. so I was nodding along to a lot of what you said! He has bought so much booze recently with the excuse of course that it’s Christmas. So there’s a lot of it in the house and he will consume this when he returns from his already boozy night out. I toyed with the idea of hiding it all, as I’ve done many times before. but listening to this has reminded me what a waste of my time and resources this is. Such a hard time of year...some days I wish I had the strength to leave and get my kids away from this situation or at least set some clearer boundaries. but then we go months where he’s doing better and I hope things will change...It’s exhausting. I feel totally powerless much of the time. Your writing gives me comfort and hope ❤️

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Sarah K's avatar

Again, you always say exactly what I need to hear. My husband is almost a year into recovery from alcohol and drugs but I know for a fact porn is still a problem and it really, really upsets me. At the height of his disease he was getting naked pictures sent to his phone of women, porn sites took up half his search results, and there was even an incident with a stripper. It brought a whole new level of YUCK to our relationship that made me officially crazy. It honestly hurt more than the alcohol abuse. I felt completely dishonored as a wife and sex suddenly felt contaminated even though he hadn't actually slept with anyone... I doubted my worth and it changed how I viewed myself. I've had to lean on my recovery groups to remind me my husbands choices and actions do not define me as a woman or a wife. I am worthy, beautiful, and regardless of whether it's my husband or someone new there is a very real and worthy love for me somewhere in the future. For now, I relearn how to embrace and love myself

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