Do you ever wonder: "Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me so much?" There are many reasons we stay, but today, I’m going to be vulnerable and share with you why I deeply loved a man who clearly didn’t love me or himself enough to get sober.
I can resonate with a lot of your statements as to why you stayed. I’ve been divorced for over 5 years and I still take on the role a “wife” would. A huge if not main reason I struggle with fully letting go is with my ex husband’s suicidal tendencies. I so desperately don’t want him to die. I know I have no control over that, but I continue to support him as much as I can with maintaining boundaries (if I am succeeding, I am not sure). He is a good man with a huge heart in a world that is harsh at times. I am moving forward every day even if it’s at a snail’s pace. Thank you for your raw honesty and vulnerability. It’s helped me so much!
This is all so true. It’s also true that not all cultures are so drowned and drugs and alcohol as ours is. I work with a really diverse workforce now and other cultures can have their issues The huge drinking culture in Australia and the US just isn’t the case in many other places and it doesn’t have to be this way. Smoking in my lifetime maybe drinking will too.
You have basically summed up my own life story, thank you Michelle. For my own sanity and after threatening it for so long, last October I finally left my obsessively jealous alcoholic partner after 30 years and after years of asking him to sort himself out. As a result he has ended up jobless basically living rent free in our home whilst myself and my 24 year old son are living on a budget in a flat.
You are right, I stayed for so long hoping the person I loved would come back, now I can see it’s never going to happen. Like others I also stayed due to suicide threats and threats to stop paying the bills. Even after leaving and despite him saying he would do ‘absolutely’ anything to get me back, within days of saying this he changed his mind and has been accusing me of having affairs. He chops and changes his mind everyday. One minute he hates me the next minute he’s begging me to come back. Yet when I was there he was never at home, he didn’t want the family life, so it totally messes with your head! He has said the most awful things to me yet I’ve always forgiven him because I wanted it to work. I know I can’t go back to the mental and emotional abuse I’ve suffered for so long yet he still manages to reel me in and revert back to manipulating me, throwing abuse and making me feel like I am the problem. Every time I say I’m blocking him he somehow manages to wriggle his way back in, why can’t I take control? It’s really not until you’re on the outside looking in that you realise how much you have been through. I should be jumping for joy at my new found freedom but the reality of it all is I am still feeling guilty and anxious for leaving, yet he shows no remorse.
Thank you, Michelle. We are stuck in "inertia" always hoping it will get better. Lately my partner does seem less narcissistic. I know how he can be and I would never trust him because he can easily go back to drinking, using drugs and being more narcissistic. I do agree that we have to stop focusing on him and think about ourselves. I've been in therapy and it has helped me and I continue to focus on "me". I sounds selfish but it is not. I hope that makes sense.
I can resonate with a lot of your statements as to why you stayed. I’ve been divorced for over 5 years and I still take on the role a “wife” would. A huge if not main reason I struggle with fully letting go is with my ex husband’s suicidal tendencies. I so desperately don’t want him to die. I know I have no control over that, but I continue to support him as much as I can with maintaining boundaries (if I am succeeding, I am not sure). He is a good man with a huge heart in a world that is harsh at times. I am moving forward every day even if it’s at a snail’s pace. Thank you for your raw honesty and vulnerability. It’s helped me so much!
This is all so true. It’s also true that not all cultures are so drowned and drugs and alcohol as ours is. I work with a really diverse workforce now and other cultures can have their issues The huge drinking culture in Australia and the US just isn’t the case in many other places and it doesn’t have to be this way. Smoking in my lifetime maybe drinking will too.
You have basically summed up my own life story, thank you Michelle. For my own sanity and after threatening it for so long, last October I finally left my obsessively jealous alcoholic partner after 30 years and after years of asking him to sort himself out. As a result he has ended up jobless basically living rent free in our home whilst myself and my 24 year old son are living on a budget in a flat.
You are right, I stayed for so long hoping the person I loved would come back, now I can see it’s never going to happen. Like others I also stayed due to suicide threats and threats to stop paying the bills. Even after leaving and despite him saying he would do ‘absolutely’ anything to get me back, within days of saying this he changed his mind and has been accusing me of having affairs. He chops and changes his mind everyday. One minute he hates me the next minute he’s begging me to come back. Yet when I was there he was never at home, he didn’t want the family life, so it totally messes with your head! He has said the most awful things to me yet I’ve always forgiven him because I wanted it to work. I know I can’t go back to the mental and emotional abuse I’ve suffered for so long yet he still manages to reel me in and revert back to manipulating me, throwing abuse and making me feel like I am the problem. Every time I say I’m blocking him he somehow manages to wriggle his way back in, why can’t I take control? It’s really not until you’re on the outside looking in that you realise how much you have been through. I should be jumping for joy at my new found freedom but the reality of it all is I am still feeling guilty and anxious for leaving, yet he shows no remorse.
Thank you, Michelle. We are stuck in "inertia" always hoping it will get better. Lately my partner does seem less narcissistic. I know how he can be and I would never trust him because he can easily go back to drinking, using drugs and being more narcissistic. I do agree that we have to stop focusing on him and think about ourselves. I've been in therapy and it has helped me and I continue to focus on "me". I sounds selfish but it is not. I hope that makes sense.