Do you ever wonder: "Why do I keep going back to someone who hurts me so much?" There are many reasons we stay, but today, I’m going to be vulnerable and share with you why I deeply loved a man who clearly didn’t love me or himself enough to get sober.
I can resonate with a lot of your statements as to why you stayed. I’ve been divorced for over 5 years and I still take on the role a “wife” would. A huge if not main reason I struggle with fully letting go is with my ex husband’s suicidal tendencies. I so desperately don’t want him to die. I know I have no control over that, but I continue to support him as much as I can with maintaining boundaries (if I am succeeding, I am not sure). He is a good man with a huge heart in a world that is harsh at times. I am moving forward every day even if it’s at a snail’s pace. Thank you for your raw honesty and vulnerability. It’s helped me so much!
I am saddened that there are so many of us that have had experiences with suicidal tendencies through our partners. Has anyone experienced their partner acting on their threats? I personally have a rather large fear from two experiences where my ex attempted suicide. One being where I physically had to remove him (que trauma bond). I am just asking because I feel so alone at time with my experiences. Thank you all for helping me feel more understood and seen🤍
This is all so true. It’s also true that not all cultures are so drowned and drugs and alcohol as ours is. I work with a really diverse workforce now and other cultures can have their issues The huge drinking culture in Australia and the US just isn’t the case in many other places and it doesn’t have to be this way. Smoking in my lifetime maybe drinking will too.
This is such an valid statement Shona. When I was studying addiction in my certification class with Stanford there were so many students from around the world and one of the most eye opening discussions we had was how addiction shows up differently in cultures, or sometimes not at all.
You have basically summed up my own life story, thank you Michelle. For my own sanity and after threatening it for so long, last October I finally left my obsessively jealous alcoholic partner after 30 years and after years of asking him to sort himself out. As a result he has ended up jobless basically living rent free in our home whilst myself and my 24 year old son are living on a budget in a flat.
You are right, I stayed for so long hoping the person I loved would come back, now I can see it’s never going to happen. Like others I also stayed due to suicide threats and threats to stop paying the bills. Even after leaving and despite him saying he would do ‘absolutely’ anything to get me back, within days of saying this he changed his mind and has been accusing me of having affairs. He chops and changes his mind everyday. One minute he hates me the next minute he’s begging me to come back. Yet when I was there he was never at home, he didn’t want the family life, so it totally messes with your head! He has said the most awful things to me yet I’ve always forgiven him because I wanted it to work. I know I can’t go back to the mental and emotional abuse I’ve suffered for so long yet he still manages to reel me in and revert back to manipulating me, throwing abuse and making me feel like I am the problem. Every time I say I’m blocking him he somehow manages to wriggle his way back in, why can’t I take control? It’s really not until you’re on the outside looking in that you realise how much you have been through. I should be jumping for joy at my new found freedom but the reality of it all is I am still feeling guilty and anxious for leaving, yet he shows no remorse.
This was Alot of my life with my childrens father..I left For my little kids...I couldnt allow them to grow up in this lifestyle..they were My driving force.
However we need to extra vigilante to hopefully not get back involved with another addict. Many of times we don't know that this new relationship or in that that person has an addiction this is what happened to me and then I live in another addictive relationship only not from alcohol which was the first this one was narcotics. My children were older and therefore I did not stay I was not going to end a second relationship. But I can say today is that after 21 years together he has finally gone to rehab and is now 140 days sober. I am very grateful and hopeful it will continue.
I can resonate with a lot of your statements as to why you stayed. I’ve been divorced for over 5 years and I still take on the role a “wife” would. A huge if not main reason I struggle with fully letting go is with my ex husband’s suicidal tendencies. I so desperately don’t want him to die. I know I have no control over that, but I continue to support him as much as I can with maintaining boundaries (if I am succeeding, I am not sure). He is a good man with a huge heart in a world that is harsh at times. I am moving forward every day even if it’s at a snail’s pace. Thank you for your raw honesty and vulnerability. It’s helped me so much!
💛
I am saddened that there are so many of us that have had experiences with suicidal tendencies through our partners. Has anyone experienced their partner acting on their threats? I personally have a rather large fear from two experiences where my ex attempted suicide. One being where I physically had to remove him (que trauma bond). I am just asking because I feel so alone at time with my experiences. Thank you all for helping me feel more understood and seen🤍
I understand this too. I haven’t left for all of the reasons above, and his depression and suicidal tendencies have kept me bound.
Even though I have physically left; emotionally I have not. My heart is with you💛
This is all so true. It’s also true that not all cultures are so drowned and drugs and alcohol as ours is. I work with a really diverse workforce now and other cultures can have their issues The huge drinking culture in Australia and the US just isn’t the case in many other places and it doesn’t have to be this way. Smoking in my lifetime maybe drinking will too.
This is such an valid statement Shona. When I was studying addiction in my certification class with Stanford there were so many students from around the world and one of the most eye opening discussions we had was how addiction shows up differently in cultures, or sometimes not at all.
You have basically summed up my own life story, thank you Michelle. For my own sanity and after threatening it for so long, last October I finally left my obsessively jealous alcoholic partner after 30 years and after years of asking him to sort himself out. As a result he has ended up jobless basically living rent free in our home whilst myself and my 24 year old son are living on a budget in a flat.
You are right, I stayed for so long hoping the person I loved would come back, now I can see it’s never going to happen. Like others I also stayed due to suicide threats and threats to stop paying the bills. Even after leaving and despite him saying he would do ‘absolutely’ anything to get me back, within days of saying this he changed his mind and has been accusing me of having affairs. He chops and changes his mind everyday. One minute he hates me the next minute he’s begging me to come back. Yet when I was there he was never at home, he didn’t want the family life, so it totally messes with your head! He has said the most awful things to me yet I’ve always forgiven him because I wanted it to work. I know I can’t go back to the mental and emotional abuse I’ve suffered for so long yet he still manages to reel me in and revert back to manipulating me, throwing abuse and making me feel like I am the problem. Every time I say I’m blocking him he somehow manages to wriggle his way back in, why can’t I take control? It’s really not until you’re on the outside looking in that you realise how much you have been through. I should be jumping for joy at my new found freedom but the reality of it all is I am still feeling guilty and anxious for leaving, yet he shows no remorse.
I can totally relate Ally❤️
This was Alot of my life with my childrens father..I left For my little kids...I couldnt allow them to grow up in this lifestyle..they were My driving force.
However we need to extra vigilante to hopefully not get back involved with another addict. Many of times we don't know that this new relationship or in that that person has an addiction this is what happened to me and then I live in another addictive relationship only not from alcohol which was the first this one was narcotics. My children were older and therefore I did not stay I was not going to end a second relationship. But I can say today is that after 21 years together he has finally gone to rehab and is now 140 days sober. I am very grateful and hopeful it will continue.