Is it Possible to Love Someone too Much?
If you feel exhausted from your relationship with someone suffering from addiction, this might be something you need to hear.
I am so thankful you’re sharing this newsletter with other people who need help. I don’t do any marketing, partnerships, or social media right now. Your referrals are how we are going to reach other women. Thanks for sharing:)
Falling in love with someone struggling with addiction can feel like falling in love with someone's potential. We recognize their goodness. And we believe if they get sober, we will be so happy together. Forever.
At the beginning of our relationship, we might not have understood the depths of their addiction, but if we were honest, most of us saw some red flags.
So why did we continue our relationships despite the warning signs? And why do we stay when we start to hear the whispers in our souls telling us it might be time to leave?
I have a theory…
Perhaps it's because we are hopeful romantics who believe love can cure all.
And maybe we secretly hope our love will "inspire" them to get sober for good.
The longer we are in our relationship, the more desperate our attempts to love them become.
We behave like their mothers, lovers, therapists, and best friends, hoping all our exhausting efforts and role-playing heal them back to healthy and sober.
And when our love "fails," and we are exhausted with nothing left to give - we are often left blaming ourselves.
Regardless of the origin of their addiction, we must stop considering ourselves as their Doctor, Therapist, Mother, or any other role that is leaving us depleted.
I am a fan of love, but unlike the movies or popular self-help authors have claimed, love does not always cure-all.
Let's keep some love for ourselves instead of trying to cure someone with our love and hurting ourselves in the process.
How are you feeling this week? What’s going on in your relationship? This is a safe place to ask questions, share little (or big) wins and encourage one another.
Yes I do think it's possible to love someone too much !! I have in my head that if he really loves me he will get sober, and here I am 8yrs later and he is worse. Does he have to get drunk everyday to deal with me ?? Is he not happy with me ?? Why do I think it's me ??
I am SO grateful for Michelle and Lover Over Addiction and ALL of your AMAZING women!!!!!
I found this over 3 years ago, "gave myself Grace", and am finally in the excruciating process of divorcing my Narcissistic Abusive/Addict husband. That said, the pain and grief I am experiencing now is NOTHING relative to the soul-searing misery of living with a man who routinely broke his vows to me (and himself) and created endless CHAOS.
I am grateful for all of the wisdom and support I've received (and continue to receive) so that I am able to SEE clearly what is what (and what is not) so I can FREE myself to live my very best life - without addiction and insanity in my home.
I pray that all of you find your way FAR AWAY from anyone who is harming you ASAP so you can have the peace, love, compassion and joy that YOU deserve.