Do Things Feel Out of Control?

If you're feeling overwhelmed because you need to keep everything under control - here's some relief.

When we love someone suffering from addiction, we may fear our future. And when we become fearful, we naturally grasp for control. 

I tried to control everything when I was in a relationship with a good man suffering from addiction. 

I thought if I could control his behavior, I could help him get sober. And if he got sober, I wouldn't feel so afraid all the time. 

Can you relate?

The more your loved one suffers from addiction, the more out of control your life can feel.

But when we can let go of our plans for the future and stop trying so hard to help get our loved ones sober, it allows space to find something else... healing. 

What happens when we let go of control? 

When we dare to let go of controlling our partners - we find a path to our own healing. 

By letting our loved ones fall apart, we also allow our partner to potentially find their own path to sobriety without our plans and ideas clouding their view.

When I practiced letting go of my husband's recovery, it resulted in things falling apart - quickly. There was a police record, a totaled car, jail time, and a lost job.

I was quietly (or sometimes not so quietly) waiting for the day he would finally say "enough." But, as you know, this disease has a very firm grip on the good people we love.

And as much as we want to help and hope the latest "crisis" will be the last, we must let go and let them lose control.

Lasting recovery is usually instigated by a crisis.

And we have no control over the crises or their choice to get sober. So if you're going around rescuing your loved one, throwing out the bottles, reminding them to take their medicine, covering up the disease for them, bailing them out of jail…

Let It Go.

At first, you won't feel like you can get through it. You'll feel a strong temptation to fix, solve, and get your hands dirty with your partner's issues.

But that could be prolonging their sickness.  

It initially felt so uncomfortable when I started refusing to rescue my husband. And honestly, it didn't help his recovery, but it was the beginning of mine.

How do you feel this week? Do you need advice or encouragement? If you’re feeling compassionate - please leave a comment and cheer someone on.