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Candace's avatar

Thank you for this! Last year at this time, my ex and I were at the end of our life as a married couple. Our divorce was finalized on our son's birthday in December. He continued to live in my house (I had to buy him out and basically double my mortgage) until I paid him over 60k. 😔 Last Christmas, he was still in our home in the basement. I felt like a hostage. We were divorced and yet I would hear him come in all hours through the basement door...one night in early January, he had a fire burning in my yard, left it there, and the yard caught fire. I had to go out at 930p in my pajamas with a water hose to put it out. It was awful. He finally moved in late January to another city 2 hours away. Every month, our life has improved. I have been looking forward to celebrating with my son on our own this year...Thanksgiving, Birthday, and Christmas. It's a process, and I fall apart sometimes. I wish he would have cared enough about us to stop using and get well. I quickly snap back to reality though that life was traumatic for my son and I for many years, and a sober man wouldn't have fixed all the abuse we endured. My prayers are simple: to everyone reading this that is still in the throws of loving an addict...you will be okay if you leave. Do what's best for you and your children. If you need to wait, do what you need to. Protect your babies. Protect yourself. Love yourself enough to say no more. It's challenging, but the other side of the tunnel is bright and beautiful!!

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Sarah Cooper's avatar

I've been married to an alcoholic for 17 years. I'm realizing I need to take care of myself. I have taken care of him and his kids (my step kids that I love very much) and mine felt on the back burner. They are all adults now. I have a huge co-dependency issue. Memories of trauma have been flooding my brain lately. He drinks every single day. He e doesn't get wasted as much like he use to but I'm so sick of smelling it. When he goes to church with me, I smell it. I think, "At least he is at church." I do ask myself, "Is he ever going to change and if he does, will he be a nice sober guy?" He is so talkative when he has had a few. Very quiet and just scroll's on his phone when sober.

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