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Cheryl's avatar

My issue isn’t bad mouthing my partner to anyone but just being so angry that I talk so badly to my partner. I seem to think everything that is wrong in my life is due to his addiction. To everyone on the outside we have the perfect relationship and that’s not healthy either. Ugh!

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Tara's avatar

When my hubby missed my birthday--yep, drunk by the time I rolled out of bed, excited to start my day--that was the straw. And I was MAD. Disgusted, disappointed, shocked... because I am so easy to please, he could have done the smallest thing, "Hey, let's go to that new place for lunch." Or, "Here's your supermarket cake and a tub of "frozen dessert." I would have been ECSTATIC. Seriously. Over the moon. But it enraged me, on my he heels of my having accomodated and comforted his entire extended family when his mom died in June. I COULD NOT STOP the words coming out of my mouth, even though I knew, as I said them (not nice, not nice at all), II wanted to shut my mouth. But I kept spewing venom. I was so disappointed in MYSELF for being that person! I called him from my new digs and apologized. I really felt better.

I also realized how angry I was at myself for expecting anything different. Nothing's changed--but the death of his mother seemed to give him pause, and I hoped his self-reflection during that time had tamed his thirst. But I set up unreasonable expectations and got mad at HIM for acting exactly like he has for years.

That's the issue, right? We do all the things we can to hold our marriages together, and we tolerate so much; when they don't give back, we are affronted. He didn't ask me to fix him or our marriage. I chose those behaviors. It is because he won't do what I want him to do that I'm upset.

I left. I'm on day 5 or 6 I think, and it isn't easy for one second, but it gets easi-ER every day. No one is late for bed and drunk, puking before breakfast, lounging in the recliner while I take care of the house. Just me. For now, that is enough.

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