Discover more from Michelle Anderson
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Lying usually goes hand in hand with addiction. If we love someone who struggles with addiction, chances are, they have looked us in the eyes and sworn they were telling the truth. But later, we come to find out - they were lying.
This week I have recorded a loving message to help remind you - dishonestly is, unfortunately, part of the package deal if the ones we love are still active in their addiction. You’re not crazy; it’s ok NOT to trust them, and most importantly - let’s take this opportunity to learn to trust ourselves.
Are You Being Lied To?
I’m in the thick of his lies.....what’s interesting is my need to stay in denial all these years - maybe it was survival, or the need to stay in some hope thinking he will get better.
But I do know that the disease does progress. And as it progresses so do the lies. And once the first drink hits for the binge of that time of year (always always same pattern of time of year) the intensity of all of it is there and increases each time more rapidly.
I read a read a post yesterday on an online co-dependent fb group and a lady described that when her using (drugs and alcohol) AH starts up, herself and the guys mom brings him more beer and the drug of choice to him in his recliner.....and for a moment I judged and was like, oh hell no, I couldn’t do that.
But honestly I have enabled in this way on all parts in a smaller version of this. I have tip-toed around him, I haven’t been my authentic self and have been a muted version for years by trying to navigate the waters of the disease, I have myself had drinks here and there with him knowing what this is, I have brought him countless times to the hospital to detox, I have pussy foot around the topic of what his problem truly does to our family and I have completely enabled his behavior by staying in the marriage never making the major changes myself.
And so as I read, become more awake, more convicted to loving and learning about myself, the more I know truly everything we learn here and at Alanon is so so true. We just don’t want to hear it because we think our way is the better way. It isn’t.
Ultimately the way, the best way is to keep loving ourselves, getting strong within ourselves, shifting focus to ourselves and being the ones to create change.
Trust me, the addict won’t do it. They can’t. But we can.
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Hi Michelle. I left my abuser 16 days ago and I just want to thank you for the strength your podcast has provided me over the past month as I prepped to leave. It is foreign for me to be strong in my wants and needs and your voice really pushed me toward that leap that I needed. I took my kids to a DV shelter and it was beyond awful and stressful to transition but now we are home and he’s in jail. Everything has worked out and now I’m on the other side of this mountain. You pushed me toward my courage. I cherish you so much, thank you Michelle