Are We Really Helping Them Get Sober?

You're trying so hard to help - but could helping be harming you?

Are you trying your very best to keep your relationship together despite this disease? 

Are you feeling lonely because no one truly understands what it’s like to love someone suffering from addiction? 

Are you worried that you can’t stay in this relationship, but you’re afraid to leave?

Or maybe you're scared they’re going to die from addiction?

Are you secretly worried they’re having an affair? 

Or that they love booze, drugs, or pornography more than you?

Here’s what I know about you - you’re trying (so hard) to do all the right things.

You’re not lazy. You want to do the work to get a better life. 

You're not in denial. You are craving the truth told by truth-tellers. 

You’re willing to take this disease head-on and fight for your future. 

You want nothing more (!!) than your loved one to get sober and become the wonderful human being you know they can be. 

You're not trying to enable them. 

You just want to help.

So let’s take a moment and recognize the work you’ve done. Let’s give you the credit you deserve. 

You’re trying. You’ve been trying. For a very long time.

But let me ask you a question. And it might sting a little. But I am on your side. And we don’t do judgment. You’re safe here. You have found your people.

So here’s my question: All the exhausting efforts you’ve made to save the one you love… are they working?

Have they stopped drinking or using drugs long-term because of something you said or did? (keyword: long term)

Just a guess here but I'd venture to say ... Probably not.

The only way someone gets sober is because they want to get sober

It’s just that simple. And that massively frustrating.

So let’s redirect our efforts. 

All the energy and time you’ve put toward their recovery? Consider stopping that. Those behaviors might be enabling.

Here are some examples of enabling: