A Simple Way To Break Our Unhealthy Cycles
If you're feeling trapped in a cycle of reacting to their addiction, here's a simple tip that will help you choose a different response.
Thank you for continuing to share this newsletter. I know a lot of you are curious about the programs and podcasts. All I can say is that I am working on it. Slowly and surely, I am starting to get a better vision of what we need in the space of loving someone suffering from addiction. I don’t want to go back to the way things were (that model - behind the scenes - was confusing), and I don’t want to be a self-promotional “self-help influencer.”
I would love to offer you help in the privacy of your own home (or car, or wherever you are) through online programs with easy, simple steps and clear directions and perhaps some meet-ups online and in person.
In a world full of AI, trolls, too many podcasts, and so much social media - I want to connect the old-fashioned way (lol): In-person, voice-to-voice, reading, writing, studying, and application.
I have some ideas - but I would love to hear yours, too, so please feel free to leave your suggestions in the comments. And thank you for sharing this resource while we park here and start dreaming big.
If you love someone suffering from addiction, it can feel like an emotional roller-coaster. One day they are sober and doing great; the next, they backtrack.
Have you ever had a physical reaction when you discover your partner broke their promise to stop their unhealthy habits? Maybe you feel like you've been punched in the gut. Or a lump appears in your throat.
You might think this disease is going to break you.
We have all felt empty and helpless at times.
Many of us wonder: will the one I love ever get better?
It's normal for us to feel embarrassed when comparing our life to other couples' lives.
Some of us hide our big secret (that our loved ones struggle with addiction) from our friends and family.
If you're feeling trapped in a cycle of reacting to their addiction by fighting, ignoring, resenting, blaming, and hoping - you are not alone. If you're trying so hard to be the happy and lovingly supportive partner, but nothing seems to be working, let's try something new.
What if we focus on making our lives better? We stop obsessing about their bad habits and disappointing behavior and ask ourselves: what can I do today (that has nothing to do with them) to improve my life? What is the unfinished self-care I can accomplish that will enhance my life?
For example, your sleep routine, exercise, a hobby, or growing your friendships (with strong, loving sober people).
Taking care of ourselves is a simple and helpful way to break our reactive patterns when loving someone suffering from addiction.
Next time you're tempted to fight, blame, resent, or worry, take a deep breath and shift the attention back to your self-care and see if that helps you feel better.
What do you find helps you feel better when you’re managing loving someone suffering from addiction?
YES! Yes, this is sooooo important. When I started putting my self first, my outlook on my crappy alcoholic marriage changed, and I realized my marriage and partner did not define who I was as a person and it did not define my morals/ dreams/ etc. His choices were his. It's a long, hard road with many bumps and holes in between but worth it.
I just had this discussion with my counselor yesterday. It’s so hard to not react when I know my AH is drunk (and he is denying drinking anything). My counselor said I need to picture being attached to him with a rope. He is going over the cliff and every time I argue, blame, cry, etc, he is pulling me toward the cliff with him. I don’t want to go over that cliff so I am not going to get pulled down with him.