3 Ways We Might Be Codependent

Being codependent can go hand in hand with loving someone suffering from addiction. Like two magnets attracted to one another, we connect with our partner by a force that feels greater than ourselves. Love has something to do with it, but also, there might be some relationship dynamics at play.

I am going to keep it super simple because it feels like we're all a little overwhelmed with the world these days.

If you're wondering: am I suffering from codependency? Here are three clues and a simple solution for each.

1. You put everyone's needs before your own. This is one of the first key signs you are codependent. You are a caretaker, a nurturer. You are always thinking of others. Saying "no" to people is difficult. You might feel afraid to disappoint them, so you say "yes" and push through it. Taking care of you first would feel selfish.

Ask yourself in this moment: what do I need? And what can I do to make that happen? Then - make it a priority. It's that simple, and it's the right thing to do, even if it feels scary.

2. When someone is upset, you feel the need to offer solutions or help. Rather than just actively listening, you have a sincere desire to help and take ownership of their problem. Sometimes, it feels like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. Even after the conversation is over, you are still trying to think of ways to help.

Next time someone shares a problem with you - practice empathy by validating their feelings but try not to offer suggestions. You are simply helping them feel loved and valued by actively listening. Say to yourself, "I will not pick up this problem; instead, I will be kind and loving by listening - that is enough."

3. You think that most people are worthy of so much more than you. You have a little annoying voice in your head that says you are just not enough… not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough. Yeah, that voice.

I still struggle with this; truthfully, I wish I could figure out how to silence that voice permanently. Instead, I often use the techniques of loving self-talk or sharing my insecurities with another woman. The validation I am looking for often comes from myself or a friend who can relate. We just need to be careful about who we choose to be vulnerable with.

Many times, I find myself oversharing as a way to be relatable. And it doesn't always land. It can actually be really awkward, lol. But talking to myself out loud in a loving voice helps, and if that doesn't work, I call a friend who I know will most likely share how she can relate.

Does any of this sound like I am describing you?

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